Wednesday, June 19, 2002

Right, that is bloody well is it, enough is enough, I am from now on, officially ignoring birthdays. They are just fucking depressing. Reasons for my seemingly melodramatic outburst

- i am 20, from now on i am just going to get OLD
- the three ppl i consider my closest friends all forgot my birthday and a girl I backpacked with last year also forgot (oh and by the way I spend the rest of the year remembering other ppls b-days and feeling guilty if a card is even late)
- the family with whom I lived with for a year in canada didn't remember my birthday even though I remembered all of theirs, even physco nan
- Simon Adair and Andrew Magowan also both forgot my birthday and although andrew may not know, simon definitely knew as his is a couple of days before.
- i went for a birthday drink in newtownards and all the friends I was with irritated the hell out of me and made me wonder why in the name of fuck I bothered being friends with them.
- trying to be in a good mood for the whole day of my b-day and act like I am happy to appease my parents when all of the above happened.

I mean, what really is the point of birthdays? Fuck it all, i am not even going to pretend to be in a good mood anymore
ahhh, ha ha ha ha, andrew is 6.9 and I am 7.1, ha ha, life makes sense again!!
hmm, well I am tired and in a bad mood so bear with me, oh and add it that a feeling of extreme disatisfaction.
Last night I had a really nasty dream -

In a job interview, th eguy interviewing me was these old man wearing a suit, for some reason I started thinking, hmm, it'd be real fun to climb ontop of him and shag him, so I did but no matter how much I did, he never came

Guess a dream analyst probably come out with a theory like I was feeling inadequate or something, well shit yeah, I am always feeling bloody inadequate, a reason why I can't hold together a relationship for more than a month.
Anyway, on other matters, so I am 20 today, not pleased, I feel very old, no longer a teenager, its the slippery slope to old age now, supposedly it was all upwards to this point, now its all wrinkle creams and settling down, ewwwww. no wonder I am in a shitty mood.
Had an interview with a call centre on the bangor road today, would be cool if I got the job but I'd have to give up the George which I would feel pretty shitty for. Ah well, c'est la vie.
Going now, cos I got nothing interesting to say.

hey, don't get narky cos this is a shit entry, as I said I am in a bad mood.

Sunday, June 16, 2002

Ahhh, what is it with me and teenage boys, they seem to be inexplicably drawn to me like flies to shit. Got a new one tonight, one of the ppl I started with, this little english 16year old, starting acting all weird and awkward cos I was the only one who talked to him. I think he felt intimidated cos he has only just moved to northern ireland. But oh dear god, I wish I had this effect on guys older than me, I'd be in heaven.
So first night in the bar, got back into the whole smiling at all the ugly drunk men who think its fun to grab my ass whilst silently taking hysterical fits. I think the george houses some of the most desparate and unattractive men in Northern ireland aka Newtownards men, eeuurghhh!
Other than working my day was pretty pleasant. Got up at 11.30 to watch to england match (they kicked some serious ass against a highly fancied side) then sat and watched pride and prejeudice and made my stupid squeaking noises every time mr darcy appeared. I think he is the root of my bad taste in men, I mean he is the ultimate bastard conquered and converted by the heroine so I figure my fascination with bastards is me trying to emulate Elizabeth Bennet, sad yes I know, and on that note, its nearly half past three in the morning so I am going to head to my bed.